poems

Woodspriestess: Summer Solstice

Hot nature. June 2013 037
Humid thickness
of life
breath
and passion.

Sticky spirit
melting senses
sleepy mind
moving through
watery air.

Mosquitoes whine
ticks lurk
Summer is here.

She’s heavy
weighty
watery June 2013 007
thick
green.

Summer has come to the woods
Summer has bitten my thigh
Summer whines in my ear
Summer waits
for my ideas to bear fruit
rich, juicy, sweet.

(6/11/13)

The Summer Solstice issue of The Oracle is out and contains a slightly revised version of my Womanenergy post:

Womenergy moved humanity across continents, birthed civilization, invented agriculture, conceived of art and writing, pottery, sculpture, and drumming, painted cave walls, raised sacred stones and built Goddess temples. It rises anew during ritual, sacred song, and drumming together. It says She Is Here. I Am Here. You Are Here and We Can Do This. It speaks through women’s hands, bodies, and heartsongs. Felt in hope, in tears, in blood, and in triumph. June 2013 013

Womenergy is the chain of the generations, the “red thread” that binds us womb to womb across time and space to the women who have come before and those who will come after. Spinning stories, memories, and bodies, it is that force which unfolds the body of humanity from single cells, to spiraled souls, and pushes them forth into the waiting world.

via Womenergy by Molly | Global Goddess.

And, I was touched by this post and its Call:

Along the way, you will meet up with sisters who have answered their own calls. After years of trudging alone to the single note of our own call, we begin to sense first, then to see their dirt-smudged, tear-streaked faces. Their scars look comfortingly similar to our own. We are a ragtag tribe of outcasts, moon howling, spiritual homesteaders. The notes of our own call begin to merge and blend, and we become a symphony of stragglers, circling in sacred ritual- we are never truly alone. Our wounds are treasure maps tracing our stories back to the moment we said no, enough, no more, now, this time, my time. They bind us, these wounds, these calls, one to another on this dark wooded path.

To answer The Call is to choose a life outside what anyone else deems worthy, understandable, logical. We are heralded by some as over-emotional, ridiculous, dramatic, eccentric, strange, weird, unnatural. Others like us will recognize themselves in our journey, our June 2013 038words, our artwork, our altars, our homegrown vegetables and homespun clothes. They will feel they are home when they smell lavender at our neck and see sage on our tables.

Our legacy is red, and burns with a passion we cannot contain so that it seeps out and stains our daughters and sons, marking them for a new way of life that emerges- because we were brave enough to answer a Call.

via Her Strange Angels: Call to the Wild Wood ~ A Blessing for the Solstice.

And, I was super psyched to get two new books free on Kindle this weekend:

From Lisa Micheals:


And from Rachael of the Moontimes blog!

I also appreciated this timely reminder from Chrysalis Woman:

It’s now that we Celebrate the womanifestation of the seed dream/s we conceived at Winter Solstice. Much like the Mother Mysteries associated with this time, we are giving our full attention, time and creativity to nurturing, sustaining and protecting our dreams, while reveling in the abundance of all that we are the creatrix of.
With all of this heightened activity and energy, we may find ourselves bumping up against the shadow of the Mother Archetype. With the full activation of our Fire energy that Summer Solstice generates, we can experience “burn out” by over-giving, over-nurturing, over-protecting, and/or over-doing. So remember to “Mother yourself” as you are caring for your creations. Seek out and create support systems that sustain YOU, as you work to sustain your hopes, dreams and all that you love.

via Shine Your Light! – Chrysalis Woman – Returning to the Mother and Each Other.

I feel like I’m in one of these stages right now and working it through.

I’m still working on our own simple family ritual for summer solstice. It will involve many drums! 🙂

P.S. I have a good friend named Summer and I had to smile as I transcribed my “Summer” poem, because I imagined her biting my thigh and whining in my ear! (Really, it was a mosquito!) ;-D

Categories: holidays, nature, poems, resources, spirituality, theapoetics, womanspirit, woodspriestess, writing | 3 Comments

Woodspriestess: Raspberry Warrior

Goddess of green spaces
and deep places
cleanse my soul.

Anoint my spirit
with peace
and remind me
to let go.

Remind me
of the power
of appreciating
that which I have.

May I inhale
and exhale
with release
and freedom.

The spirit of adventure
runs through my veins
with the rich color
of crushed raspberry

May it always run so free
may it be blessed
and may I be reminded
of the courage and love
shown in small, wild adventures.

Wild black raspberries are ripe at my Missouri homestead and this morning I went on an expedition with my three children to gather what we could. As I returned, red-faced, sweating, and after having yelled much more than I should and having said several things I instantly regretted, I was reminded of something that I manage to forget every year: one definition of insanity is picking wild berries with a toddler. In fact, the closest I ever came to spanking one of my kids was during one of these idyllic romps through the brambles when my second son was three. While still involving some suffering, today’s ramble was easier since I have a nine-and-a-half-year old now as well as the toddler. This time, my oldest son took my toddler daughter back inside and gave her a bath and put her in new clothes while I was still outside crawling under the deck in an effort to retrieve the shoes and the tiny ceramic bluebird I’ve had since I was ten that my girl tossed over the railing and into the thorns “for mama.”

While under the deck, I successfully fished out the shoes (could not find the tiny bird) and I found one more small handful of raspberries. Since the kids were all safely indoors, I took my sweaty and scratched up and irritable self and ran down to my sacred woodspace.  I was thinking about how I was hot, tired, sweaty, sore, scratched, bloody, worn, and stained from what “should” have been a simple, fun little outing with my children and the above prayer came to my lips. I felt inspired by the idea that parenting involves uncountable numbers of small, wild adventures. I was no longer “just” a mom trying to find raspberries with her kids, I was a raspberry warrior. I braved brambles, swallowed irritations, battled bugs, sweated, swore, argued, struggled, crawled into scary spaces and over rough terrain, lost possessions and let go of the need to find them, and served as a rescuer of others. I gave my blood and body over to the task.

When I returned and showered, my oldest begged for me to make homemade raspberry sorbet with our findings. I’ve never made sorbet before and wasn’t sure I should dare try, but then I gathered my resources and said yes to yet another small adventure…

Today, I also noticed many lovely blooming things!

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Yes, like Inanna, I faced thorny gates and descended into darkness, crawled on my knees, and gave up things that I cherished, and in the process discovering things about myself, and then returned with a renewed sense of purpose and an awareness of my own strengths…but, I got sorbet out of the deal!

This post is a crosspost, in part, from my post at Pagan Families (which includes pictures of the finished sorbet and a recipe!).

Categories: family, nature, parenting, poems, prayers, spirituality, theapoetics, woodspriestess | 2 Comments

Sunday Sabbath: Rest

June 2013 015

Surprise milkweed bloomed and looks gorgeous! (and yes, is almost never without a butterfly atop)

Clear your mind
rest your body
still your chatter
become fluid…

Opening to breeze
birdsong
to the richness
of solitude

the messages
from butterfly wings

shadows making patterns
across rock.

Hold your place
hold steady
and watch the swirling change
around you
unfold
in hopeful majesty
and exuberant life.

Be still June 2013 054
let everything else fall away
let your body melt into rock
held by the arms of the earth
and spin through distant galaxies
with invisible
silent
magical
grace.

I’ve been out of town this weekend and with no opportunities to blog, though the thoughts of things to blog about continue to arise and I have a backlog of both pictures and recordings to get to, “someday.” Rest has been on my mind though as I gave a presentation about Moontime and honoring our menstrual cycles at the conference today, even though I’m actually at the most energetic and productive point in my own cycle. The “rest” poem above arrived as I was preparing for my presentation and packing for this trip, so it feels appropriate to post today.

As I shared during my presentation:

“…Could it be that women who get wild with rage do so because they are deeply deprived of quiet and alone time, in which to recharge and renew themselves?

Isn’t PMS a wise mechanism designed to remind us of the deep need to withdraw from everyday demands to the serenity of our inner wilderness? Wouldn’t it follow, then, that in the absence of quiet, sacred spaces to withdraw to while we bleed — women express their deprivation with wild or raging behaviors?…” –DeAnna L’am via Occupy Menstruation

The essay I finished writing while at Pismo Beach was up on Feminism and Religion earlier in the week. I struggled in the writing of it because I was in a different head space, not to mention literally in a different space, while trying to work on it. I felt distant, distracted, scattered, and unfocused while I was writing it and worried that that was what would come through. Instead, it became a cohesive piece that “flows really well,” according to the editor. Reading it now, it feels like someone else wrote it—I guess I did manage to get into the writing-zone after all, even with my mind being preoccupied with a different place, different subjects and different people…

In the aftermath of giving birth, particularly without medication, many women describe a sense of expansive oneness—with other women, with the earth, with the cycles and rhythms of life. People who become shamans, usually do so after events involving challenge and stress in which the shaman must navigate tough obstacles and confront fears. What is a laboring woman, but the original shaman—a “shemama” as Leslene della Madre would say —as she works through her fears and passes through them, emerging with strength.

[Monica Sjoo describes] the homebirth of her second son was her, “first initiation into the Goddess…even though at that time I didn’t consciously know of Her…”

via Birth as a Shamanic Experience by Molly Remer | Feminism and Religion.

This week I also put up a post on Pagan Families that was modified from my introductory post on this blog and I’m pleased to welcome new subscribers who found me in this way:

In late December 2012, I decided to begin a year-long spiritual practice of “checking in” every day at the priestess rocks in my woods. I committed to spending at least a few minutes there every day, rain or sleet or shine, with children or without, and whether day or night throughout 2013. I also decided to take a daily picture. My idea was to really, really get to know this space deeply. To notice that which changes and evolves on a daily basis, to see what shares the space with me, to watch and listen and learn from and interact with the same patch of ground every day and see what I learn about it and about myself. I want to really come into a relationship with the land I live on, rather than remain caught up in my head and my ideas and also the sometimes-frantic feeling hum of every day life as a parent and teacher. When I went down to the woods to “listen” to this idea, I spoke a poem that included the word “woodspriestess,” and I thought…hmm. Maybe this is what I’m doing. As I planned, I started this practice on January first and have not yet missed a day, except while traveling (and, then I bring a small rock from the woods with me so that I can still “check in” with them). In March 2013, I decided to do a thirty-day experiment in which I made a daily post/picture about my “woodspriestess” experiences. It was a rich experience in many ways. (The daily practice will continue through 2013, even though I have not continued writing on a daily basis after the March experiment)…

via Small Sacred Places.

This daily time in the woods provides a regular, daily opportunity for me to restif only for a few moments, and it is so nourishing and feels vital to my very being. I’m not sure how I was getting along without it before!

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At the river on Thursday.

Eyes open
ears open
heart open
mind open
spirit open

to miraculous possibilities
of being…

Categories: blessings, introversion, moontime, nature, poems, sabbath, spirituality, theapoetics, woodspriestess, writing | 2 Comments

Sunday Sabbath: Tiny Desert Flowers

When I’m alone the flowers are really seen…They are felt as presence. They live and die in a few days; they keep me closely in touch with process, with growth, and also with dying.” –May Sarton

If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change.” -Jack Kornfield

She who loves roses must be patient and
not cry out when she is pierced by thorns.
–Olga Broumas

(both in Open Mind by Diane Mariechild)

Mariechild goes on to observe that the joy and beauty of flowers may well rest in its fleetingness: “The ghost of death blows through each bloom.” I’ve previously shared my semi-religious experiences with tiny flowers:

Tiny flowers know April 2013 003
that hope blooms eternal
pushing the way
through cracked stone

reclaiming
repopulating
rebirthing the Earth

What is a seed
but a miracle
right in front of me

What am I
but a miracle
to be seeing this right now…

via Woodspriestess: Tiny Flowers | Theapoetics.

On our recent trip to California we went tourmaline mining in the desert outside of Carlsbad and we also went to Pismo Beach. At both locations, the tiny flowers of those ecosystems caught my eye. Different than the tiny flowers of the “temperate forest biome,” that I call home, but perfection just the same:

Like flower growing from rock March 2013 139
the world is full of tiny, perfect mysteries.

Secrets of heart and soul and landscape
guarded tenderly
taking root in hard crevices
stretching forth
in impossible silence.

Sleeping
resting
waiting
watching
knowing

that all one needs
is a crack in stone
and a seed of possibility…

via Woodspriestess: Stoneflower | Theapoetics.

Categories: death, nature, poems, quotes, sabbath, theapoetics | 2 Comments

Seapriestess: Beach Poetry

Before we left on our trip, I envisioned spending some quality nature time sitting on the beach and composing delightful beach poetry. Turns out that I’m not really a “seapriestess” and should probably stick with the woods! I told my family this morning about my fond imaginings and then spontaneously “wrote” the following series of mini-poems based on what it has really been like to be at the beach on vacation 😉

Oh, Cupcake Wine IMG_7765
Why you not tasty?

Tiny owl
In bowl of water
Enough for breakfast

Moonstone, oh moonstone
I wish to find you
You sparkle
In my heart

McClintock’s IMG_7774
House of onion rings
And diarrhea

Diving in
to steal her popcorn
You’re like monsters!


Time to sort rocks
Cast off the non-shiny
Previously gathered
In a fit of mistaken beauty.

Categories: family, parenting, poems, theapoetics | 1 Comment

The Builder

The Builder

There is a builder
Here on planet earth
We see the creative gift in him
A gift given at birth.

Building hopes
Building dreams
Building families
Building roots
Building houses

Making toys for his children
and grandchildren
And a home for his wife

Loving quietly
But deeply
Feeling much
Saying little
Full of wisdom
And help
And with a taste for laughter

We know a builder
Here on planet earth
The things he’s given us
Echo in our days

Genes, memories, hilltop homeplaces
His legacy

We see a builder
Here on planet earth
His love is recognized
His gifts are seen
His wisdom is appreciated

We love a builder
Here on planet earth
And we salute him
In his infinite worth.

3/4/2013

Today is my dad’s 60th birthday! In March of this year, I went to the woods and a poem about him emerged. I know it doesn’t seem particularly remarkable, but I cried and cried as I was speaking it! Some context…in the 1970’s my parents moved to Missouri and my dad rebuilt an old log cabin in which I grew up (alternative energy like solar and wind power). The longer we lived there, the more buildings he built—there are something like 30 buildings on their hilltop homestead now. He also worked as a carpenter for many years. He has a gift for working with wood (remember my woodspriestess beads?! :)) He helped us build our own house and more recently he has been helping good friends of ours build their house as well.

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Categories: family, poems | 6 Comments

Woodspriestess: Body Prayer

May 2013 001

My big rosebush is almost blooming!

I roam
sacred ground
my body is my altar
my temple.

I cast a circle
with my breath
I touch the earth
with my fingers
I answer
to the fire of my spirit.

My blood
pulses in time
with larger rhythms
past, present, future
connected
rooted
breathing.

The reach of my fingers
my ritual
the song of my blood
my blessing
my electric mind
my offering.

Breathing deep
stretching out
opening wide.

My body is my altar
my body is my temple
my living presence on this earth
my prayer.

Thank you.

I’m getting ready to start my Thealogy and Deasophy class at OSC and the text for the class is Melissa Raphael’s Thealogy and Embodiment. For the last two years, I’ve been planning to write my dissertation on a similar theme—focusing on Women’s Mysteries and a thealogy of embodiment, with a heavy emphasis on birth as a spiritual experience. After my woodspriestess experiment though, I my focus feels like it is shifting to writing about something to do with Ecopsychology and Theapoetics. This seems to make sense. However, I am still looking forward to digging into Raphael’s book!

(Later note: This poem became a part of my earth-based poetry book, Earthprayer.)

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Categories: nature, OSC, poems, prayers, theapoetics, woodspriestess | 8 Comments

Woodspriestess: Green Surprise

May 2013 012

Looked dead to me, but wait…!

Small, glorious miracles surround.
Green leaves on supposed dead branches.
Life works so hard
is so beautiful.
Capable
of neverending transformation
surprising
the tiny observer
sitting at its feet.

The woods continue to offer new surprises and things to notice! I wonder if this really will keep up all year? They haven’t let me down yet and I’ve learned so much during the five months of my daily experiment so far. Today, it was the “dead” trees that I’ve been sad to see and have been mentally marking to cut down for firewood. Not so fast! Three of them actually have some leaves on some of their branches now. They’re obviously not fully healthy trees and definitely are on the decline, but they are not actually dead yet after all!  May 2013 015And, the turtles are out! Spied this fellow on the driveway while taking my kids to visit my parents. He hissed at us, but we enjoyed making his acquaintance anyway. 🙂

May 2013 011

Categories: nature, poems, woodspriestess | Leave a comment

Woodspriestess: Chorus

Birdsong 20130429-135905.jpg
Heartsong
Bees buzz
Mindbuzz
Flowers bloom
Hopebloom

Interconnected
in a deep
magical
dance of life.

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Tulip tree is still blooming!

Spinning souls into being,
unfurling leaves,
beating my heart
and that of
mouse
chicken
dolphin
elephant
monkey
panther…

This animating force
that dances through the cosmos
speaking through our lips
hearing through our ears
touching our skin
creating through our hands
and bodies.

The lifepulse
of reality.
The skeins
of time and mystery.

20130429-135843.jpg

Sage is sneaking up out of the weedy grasses.

This beat
this dance
this beautiful rhythm
I waltz with it
and I sing
in its chorus…

(4/29/2013)

I’m feeling pretty beat. Wrung out. Exhausted. Tired. Strained. I still went down to the woods though and I still practiced yoga this afternoon. And, I’m still planning our women’s retreat for May 10th. These things should NOT be the first to go. I must uphold my commitment to these practices for my own well-being. Likewise with writing even this simple post—I “should” be doing something else, or should I? Doing this actually matters too.

At our craft workshop this last weekend, I lamented briefly to my husband that I hadn’t gotten everything done I’d hoped to do while there. Then, I noted that I had, in fact, finished reading two books, prepared for both of my college classes, graded 11 genograms and 4 papers, kept up with my online class (even though I had to drive up the road for the internet access), and made five new sculptures. And, oh yeah, I also ran a craft camp and took care of my three kids too. Perhaps I actually rock.

In addition, I published a brief post here and I woke from a nap humming with inspiration and wrote a blog post about Womenergy for my other blog:

…Womenergy moved humanity across continents, birthed civilization, invented agriculture, conceived of art and writing, pottery, sculpture, and drumming, painted cave walls, raised sacred stones and built Goddess temples. It rises anew during ritual, sacred song, and drumming together. It says She Is Here. I Am Here. You Are Here and We Can Do This. It speaks through women’s hands, bodies, and heartsongs. Felt in hope, in tears, in blood, and in triumph.

via Womenergy (Womanergy) | Talk Birth.

Here are some pictures of the sculptures I made while away:

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VBAC “Hope” mama.

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Cesarean “je donne” sculpture.

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Mamapriestess made with every scrap of remaining clay.

Experimented unsuccessfully with some A'kuba style sculptures. While I was originally excited about the potential, I am not a fan!

Experimented unsuccessfully with some A’kuba style sculptures. While I was originally excited about the potential, I am not a fan!

The opening poem was from yesterday, this was mine from today (I was lying on my back on the rocks):

April 2013 040
Hot sun
cool stone

restore me

body
mind
and soul

stilling
nurturing
holding
nourishing

granting peace
grace
and harmony.

Dog breath
on my face.
Surprise!

Categories: art, blessings, embodiment, nature, poems, spirituality, theapoetics, woodspriestess | Leave a comment

Woodspriestess: Pelvic Cradle

One hand on pelvic cradle April 2013 001
one hand on solid stone
I complete the energetic circle
that brought me into being

of this earth
on this earth
from this earth

my body woven with the mysteries
of time and space
my life connected
to those around me
human and nonhuman

closed eyes blessed by sunshine
body held in stone embrace
mind stilled
shoulders relaxed
heartbeat in my veins
matched to the pulse of Life itself

She is weaver
and web
I am weaver
and web
and this great, grand, unimaginable
tapestry of being
is holy and eternal
magnificent and microscopic

hand on pelvic cradle
hand on solid stone

energy flow
of cellular connection
unbreakable
in its potency
everchanging

hand on pelvic cradle
hand on solid stone

I draw in the breath of life
draw in my awareness of connection
to the intricate web of incarnation

Goddess is my name for
that which holds the whole
that which weaves the all
that which knows the story of the ages

hand on pelvic cradle
hand on solid stone

I feel the fire in my heart
the red thread in my veins and womb
connects me to women of all times and places
the breath of life in my lungs
the kiss of Earth along my spine…

(3/31/13)

I’m out-of-town right now and away from my sacred space in the woods. Luckily, I’m still surrounded by trees and beautiful countryside. It is hard sometimes when traveling to maintain my sense of connection/grounding/”real life” and so when I came across this poem from last month, I knew it was the perfect time to post it. I needed the reminder of my own connection and groundedness!

Last night the full moon was gorgeous! I felt like gathering some women and having a ritual and I sure wanted some drums! We’re staying at a conventionally religious center though and while there are some kindred spirits in residence there are also those who would look very askance at rituals in the moonlight. So, I went out alone with my little altar items from home and sat under the moon for a while, admiring it, saying more goodbyes to my grandma, and trying to soak in some peace from what had been a pretty stressful and exhausting day.

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Sculpture made with a rock from “my” own woods

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I like this picture that is hanging in the church where I go for wireless internet access once a day while I’m here. I would make it say “Nature IS Creation” though! 😉

Categories: blessings, invocations, liturgy, nature, poems, prayers, readings, theapoetics, womanspirit | 2 Comments

Goodbye

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The photo on the left was taken a few months ago. She was 83. One of the ways I will always remember her is wearing zoo-themed necklaces 🙂

She has told stories
she has made memories
she has preserved history
she has created
she has birthed
she has mothered
she has grandmothered
she has been of service
she has traveled far
she has grieved
she has rejoiced
she has loved
and been loved in return

This woman from which I came
this mother of my own mother
she who has been daughter
who has been wife
friend
mother
grandmother
great-grandmother
she has come to the end of her road
to the last stop on her earthly journey

Part of eternity
gave her birth
and she in turn shared that gift
and now she is reclaimed
re-embraced
hugged with the winds of time
and change.

Just a couple of hours after I posted my “last words” post, my grandma did in fact, let go and died during the early part of the morning. I always hope to have dreams about people who have died, to somehow get “messages” from them and the only person that that has ever happened vividly with was my father-in-law, which is strange given our distant relationship when he was alive. I’m surprised I didn’t dream of my grandma at all this month during this terribly short and terribly long process. Last night I did dream a short tiny dream though. In it, she sent a birthday card to my mom—we knew in the dream she’d wanted to make sure my mom still got a card on her birthday (my mom turns 60 next month)—the card came with $20 in it and it was in a homemade envelope. She hadn’t wanted to ask anyone to get her an envelope, so she’d made her own. That was it. Not the enlightening “message” sort of dream I imagine, but at least I had one! More photos and additional thoughts are on my other blog.

Go in peace478397_10200265613655357_366752492_o
go in love
and go knowing that you have left behind
something beautiful
something marvelous
something that matters
The fabric of a life well-lived
the hearth of a family well-tended
the heart of a community strengthened
and a never-ending chain of women
unbroken.

You’re our Mamoo
You’re our grandmother
and we say goodbye
and thank you.

Sink deeply
and gently
into the arms and lap
of time
the great mother of us all

She holds you now.
We let go.

Tonight I went down to the woods at sunset, which seemed fitting. I finished my memorial sculptures earlier in the day and so I took pictures of them there on the rocks. Later, we went back outside to go for a walk and I saw the nearly-full moon rising, so I ran back down to experience the fairly-rare occurrence of a sunset-moonrise, something that is hard to photograph because they take place in opposite directions.

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Generations sculpture

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Sculpture using a rock I found in the woods.

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Sunset

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Moonrise

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Categories: art, blessings, death, family, poems, sculpture, womanspirit | 5 Comments

Last Words

On Sunday, we thought we’d reached my grandma’s final day on earth. I spent the day thinking about her, crying, talking to my husband, and fanatically checking my phone for texts from my mom (side note to those people who write critical blog posts about “distracted” people “glued” to their phones, you may do well to remember that some of those distracted-looking people might be looking for texts about dying grandmothers from their own distraught mothers and that this phone-based link in fact represents connection and not disconnection or distraction). I went to the woods and I sat on the rocks and sang Woman Am I. My mom told me she’d been singing it to my grandma as she listened to the erratic sounds of her breaths, thinking each was the last. My letter did make it in time to be read to my grandma while she was still conscious enough to indicate she heard it. And, on Friday I did a FaceTime call with my mom and she took it to my grandma’s bed so that I could talk to her. She didn’t open her eyes, but she murmured a greeting and she smiled when she heard my little two-year-old say, “hi, Mamoo!” So, we were able to say some final words and goodbye “in person,” which was really, really difficult, but also a gift.

After singing on the rocks, I then spoke aloud to her, those final words that didn’t really come in a letter or on Facetime:

April 2013 038

Unfinished new grief sculpture…

We have learned from you
we have loved with you
we have heard you
we have seen you
we have hugged you
and held you
we have mourned with you
we have mourned for you
we have been dazzled by your radiance
inspired by your adventures
and touched by your generosity.

Three generations of women
have sat in your lap as little girls
have been covered by your quilts
and zipped into your sweaters
you carried each of us on your hip
and held us each in your heart

We respect you
we cherish you
we appreciate you
we’ve learned so much from you
we’ve laughed with you
and lived with you
and traveled with you

and now
we open up our hands
we open up our hearts
and we let you go.
Be free.
Continue your travels
on the currents of time and space…

My grandma was a beautifully active, vibrant woman and her quick devolution due to advanced and very aggressive pancreatic cancer is a harsh blow to our family. I’ve always admired and respected her and been proud of her for all of her accomplishments and activities. She was not a particularly emotionally demonstrative woman, but it amazing to think about all the ways her presence is woven through my days even though she lives 2000 miles away–the sweater I put on every morning is one she knit for me, her quilts are on my kids’ bedroom walls and on all our beds, magazine subscriptions she gifts us with are in the car and bathroom…we’re connected in many ways and I don’t know what life will look like without her in it.

April 2013 021

My “three generations of little girls” thoughts made me create this not-finished sculpture. Little boys are part of the generations as well, but not in as direct a line as the girls—I’m the oldest daughter of an oldest daughter of an oldest daughter (and my own daughter is an “only daughter,” so while she’s my youngest child she continues a line as the first daughter of a first daughter of a first daughter of a first daughter).

My dad also brought over the last four beads for my woodspriestess necklace and so I took a new picture with them too:
April 2013 049When I came back in, I drew a Crone Stone and got, no joke, She Who Knows: The Grandmother of Time:

April 2013 052I have had some really amazing experiences with these stones and I was in awe at the cosmicness when I read, Wisdom is the inner knowing we already possess. How is it our bodies know how to menstruate, to ovulate, to cease menstruating, to breathe? I thought at first reading it said to cease breathing and I thought it was so perceptive because of my mom waiting and listening to my grandmother’s slow, labored breaths. Then, I re-read and saw it was only “to breathe” and then it felt less cosmic. Ah, well.

Categories: art, blessings, death, family, poems, prayers, womanspirit, women | 6 Comments

Sunday Sabbath: Gather Life

Gather sunlight April 2013 019
gather wind
gather rain
gather earth

Scoop it up
press it into my body
soak it into my skin
embed it in my cells
play with it
wrestle with it
dance with it

This planet speaks in whispers April 2013 024
it speaks in roars
it speaks through me
and around me

Deep, dark
bright, beautiful world

Bathe my senses
in your presence
hold my body in your embrace
touch my spirit
that I might remember how to sing
and remain able to breathe
with clarity
and certainty
of enoughness

Gather hope
and gather pain
gather tears
and gather laughter

Gather it up
gather it in
hold it close
take a deep whiff
stare into its eyes
this is life.

(4/20/13)

I spoke this poem yesterday afternoon after my bad mood day. When I came back inside, I enjoyed a great post from The Allergic Pagan about Panentheism. I think whatever else I might call my spiritual leanings, I would probably be classed by others as a panentheist. Based on this woodspriestess experience of mine I’m actually thinking of changing my dissertation topic to a combination of ecopsychology-theapoetics-thealogy of the body, rather than solely about thealogy and the body.

Through a panentheistic understanding of divinity, Neopaganism seeks to unite Zoe and bios again, to reconnect the divine and nature, the eternal cycle of Life with all of our particular lives and deaths. This union is not a static identification, as in pantheism, but a dynamic dance between the two, Zoe and bios, Goddess and god…

via Panentheism: The Dancer and the Dance | The Allergic Pagan.

“In all things of nature, there is something of the marvelous.” –Aristotle

April 2013 034

Categories: nature, poems, prayers, sabbath, theapoetics, woodspriestess | Leave a comment

Woodspriestess: Real Magic

It might look like a straight row of saplings   April 2013 014
But it is really a new way of being

Patient life
Doing what it can
Living still while
Uprooted
Crushed

Reaching out
Tenderly
Stubbornly
In experimental majesty

Seen or unseen
This is real magic…

In the woods there is a maple tree that was uprooted in a storm several years ago. Rather than dying, it lives on, lying on its side on the forest floor. I’m fascinated by how it has sent out new branches, straight, strong, tall, and healthy, standing up from the trunk. If you don’t look carefully, it looks like just another row of little trees growing out there in the woods, but really they are branches standing up from their “base” of a trunk. It is leafed out all over now, small tender green leaves, looking quite happy out there lying down for a rest.

April 2013 009

The roots are still able to reach down and connect with the Earth for what it needs. The original upper branches keep the trunk propped off the ground, which keeps it from decaying (I guess).

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Little tree? No wait, little branch!

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Less magical…ticks are already out to play!

It was a rainy, stormy, overcast day and I took a couple of pictures of two of my favorite trees as the rain came down on us. I’m so pleased to see them leafing out high above me.

April 2013 023

The maple that grows in the rocks.

April 2013 024

The biggest oak in this section of land.

April 2013 007

See the little leaves?!

April 2013 021

Each day April 2013 006
offers new gifts
new mysteries
new discoveries
new promise

kissed with rain
and garnished
with dogwood blossoms…

 

April 2013 002

Categories: nature, poems, spirituality, woodspriestess | 4 Comments

Thursday Thealogy: Theapoetics

April 2013 074

Sculpture made by my six-year-old and named, “The Cutest Goddess in the World.”

Turkeys gobble
birds sing
plum petals fall
raindrops kiss stone

take a moment and sit
hear, taste,
smell, and touch
the very field of creation.

(4/16/13)

I’m having such a hard time lately focusing enough to write coherent posts. I flit from site to site, idea to idea, and just can’t settle my mind enough to say what I want to say. I feel distracted, preoccupied, and unfocused. Maybe I need to go to the woods more often. As it is, I sit here with my little stack of books: Midwifing Death, What Dying People Want, and Sacred Dying. They came too late for me to really use them in any sort of helpful way for my mom or grandma, but at least I’ll have them in case I know anyone else who needs them. I am a tiny librarian in my own way and it is books that I turn to when I need help or want to help. They’re what I offer. Books are my first and longest-lasting love. I also sit by a pile of books waiting to be turned over as I plan my spring women’s retreat and write two assignments for my OSC class on Ritual and Liturgy. My heart doesn’t quite feel in that though either—too many variables, too much unknown…

There is so much we don’t know 20130416-140924.jpg
so many possibilities we can’t imagine
maybe that is what I touch
in the dreamtime
and the woodstime
maybe I am surrounded
in all times
and all ways
by those who have gone before me

here, in the woods
I touch
and am touched
by something
something that kisses my eyelids
with a breeze
that blesses my brow
with a raindrop
that cradles my body
with stone
that fills my senses April 2013 029
with pleasure and awareness
and that connects me
to the great, grand whole of creation

and I know that I am a part of Her
and She is a part of me
forever.

Though my individual thread might end
my part of the tapestry is eternal
and I dance right now
with the lifeblood
of purpose and connection.

(4/16/13)

A few days ago, I sat in the woods and thought about death and life and ancestors and children. While I sat and spoke into my little recorder, the plum petals fell steadily all around me like snow. It was beautiful and soothing.

April 2013 071

In my piles of books are also those which I want to put back on the shelf, but that are waiting because they had sections I marked to share. One of them—a really excellent anthology of essays by priestesses (or “sibyls”) called Voices of the Goddess—contained a section that made me think of my own theapoetical experiences. Though, I then feel self-conscious, embarrassed, or somehow “arrogant” or something for identifying with it—like, who do I think I am?!

The Goddess grants her gifts of creativity in many ways, but the personal invocation, the inspired lyrical utterance is always nearest to the surface. This poetic wellspring is part of the sibylline legacy and there is no denying it. It speaks the language of the blood and belly as well as the language of the crystalline stars. It is a weaving song that meshes heaven and earth with the underworld. Poetry is the mouthpiece of the metamemory, the deep, ecstatic memory of an oral tradition that remembered the Goddess daily in domestic and tribal rituals. Since there are not Goddess rituals or liturgies from former times, we have written our own, often drawing directly upon the raw material of personal experience…Poetry can both bless and uproot, it can extol or refute. It is the true voice of the Goddess speaking through her sibyls. Personal or prophetic, poetry is communication with a deeper level of understanding. It is a gateway for the Goddess to pass through.

–Caitlin Matthews in Voices of the Goddess

While I wouldn’t venture to call myself “prophetic,” I do experience something personally very important to me there in the woods, something I’ve previously referred to as, “Entering into radical relationship with the Goddess through art, poetry, and nature…” or, theapoetics. When I wrote about this topic for Feminism and Religion, I included this poem:

Goddess Direct

Goddess, where are you?
I am within you and around youApril 2013 037
in your heart that seeks answers
and connection

Goddess, do you exist?
Yes, I am as real as your own heartbeat.
I am here in the bird’s song
I am here in the breeze that touches your face
I am as solid as the stone you sit on

I am that which weaves the Whole.
I am that which holds the All.
I am that which flows,
dancing lightly
through the heartbeat of every form on this earth

I am within you and around you
beneath you and above you
I am your home

I am that which you seek
I am that which you know
And, I love deeply, richly, and well.

via Theapoetics By Molly | Feminism and Religion.

I still don’t think of myself as writing poetry and certainly not as a “poet.” These words are something that just comes out. Something that emerges. Something that is created in a very different manner than the rest of my writing. It actually feels like an altered state of consciousness that “writes itself” and when I go back to listen to what I said, I’m often surprised or feel like I’m listening to someone else speak. That’s theapoetics. Go sit in the woods and see what happens when you open your mouth! 🙂

Categories: Goddess, nature, poems, prayers, priestess, spirituality, theapoetics, Thursday Thealogy, womanspirit, woodspriestess, writing | 2 Comments

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