Woodspriestess: Pelvic Cradle

One hand on pelvic cradle April 2013 001
one hand on solid stone
I complete the energetic circle
that brought me into being

of this earth
on this earth
from this earth

my body woven with the mysteries
of time and space
my life connected
to those around me
human and nonhuman

closed eyes blessed by sunshine
body held in stone embrace
mind stilled
shoulders relaxed
heartbeat in my veins
matched to the pulse of Life itself

She is weaver
and web
I am weaver
and web
and this great, grand, unimaginable
tapestry of being
is holy and eternal
magnificent and microscopic

hand on pelvic cradle
hand on solid stone

energy flow
of cellular connection
unbreakable
in its potency
everchanging

hand on pelvic cradle
hand on solid stone

I draw in the breath of life
draw in my awareness of connection
to the intricate web of incarnation

Goddess is my name for
that which holds the whole
that which weaves the all
that which knows the story of the ages

hand on pelvic cradle
hand on solid stone

I feel the fire in my heart
the red thread in my veins and womb
connects me to women of all times and places
the breath of life in my lungs
the kiss of Earth along my spine…

(3/31/13)

I’m out-of-town right now and away from my sacred space in the woods. Luckily, I’m still surrounded by trees and beautiful countryside. It is hard sometimes when traveling to maintain my sense of connection/grounding/”real life” and so when I came across this poem from last month, I knew it was the perfect time to post it. I needed the reminder of my own connection and groundedness!

Last night the full moon was gorgeous! I felt like gathering some women and having a ritual and I sure wanted some drums! We’re staying at a conventionally religious center though and while there are some kindred spirits in residence there are also those who would look very askance at rituals in the moonlight. So, I went out alone with my little altar items from home and sat under the moon for a while, admiring it, saying more goodbyes to my grandma, and trying to soak in some peace from what had been a pretty stressful and exhausting day.

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Sculpture made with a rock from “my” own woods

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I like this picture that is hanging in the church where I go for wireless internet access once a day while I’m here. I would make it say “Nature IS Creation” though! 😉

Categories: blessings, invocations, liturgy, nature, poems, prayers, readings, theapoetics, womanspirit | 2 Comments

Thursday Thealogy: Death & Suffering

This post is excerpted from an OSC assignment written last year. The subject is so close to the things in my life recently that I felt compelled to dig out these previous writings.

How does thealogy envision death? How does thealogy address the problem of suffering?

The Abrahamic religions tend to associate death with that which is evil and wrong. Dominant religions traditions also often emphasize transcendence over the physical form and in these traditions the spiritual and the physical are seen as separate (with women associated with the “lower” body-based realm and men associated with the transcendent and divine)—the body and the earth is seen as a prison, rather than of value or as holding wisdom. In thealogy, on the other hand, death is another part of the endless “wheel” of life.

As the refrain of a Goddess song goes, in the womb of the mother…we find rest. daCosta notes that, “This darkness she equates with the  darkness of innate, instinctive knowing, where we are within the womb of the Goddess” (p. 115). I find a comforting feeling in the notion of coming to rest in the womb of the Goddess–whether that is very literal in terms of my body returning to the earth and being absorbed back into it, or it is more metaphysical (i.e. drop returning to the “ocean”). I also do not completely rule out the possibility of some form of personal continuation of spirit/energy/consciousness after physical death–just as the physical body doesn’t “disappear” after the body physically shuts down and dies, it seems semi-logical that our soul/our life spark/life energy, also does not disappear, but does or become something else/somewhere else.

Some time ago I had a “vision” during the day in my post-yoga routine meditation time. I “heard”—the moments of your life are beads on a April 2013 024necklace. Death is one of those beads. Why be preoccupied with one single bead of many, many beads? I recognize this as related to something I previously read in a Zen book I think—your consciousness being the string that holds the beads and each bead passing into the next bead, no need to cling to any of them or to become attached to one point. But, this yoga experience was the first in which I had conceived of death as just one more bead on the string—and, just like I wouldn’t spend a whole lot of my life energy thinking about the bead from my sixth birthday, say, why would I spend a lot of time thinking about the bead of my eventual, guaranteed death. That said, I do find it very relevant and appropriate to consider my own life choices and path in the context of my eventual death–i.e. I probably think at least once per day, “If I died tomorrow, would this matter?” Or, “what would choose to be doing now, if I knew that I was about to die?” etc., etc. I make a lot of life decisions based on not wanting to have regrets when I come to die, on wanting to live fully, vibrantly, authentically, and consciously.

In this same timeframe, I also had an epiphany—no matter WHAT happens after my own death, it still represents the end of life as I know it (there are actually many of these points in the course of an average life—our life as a twenty year old also “ends,” as does our life as the parent of a toddler, and so on). BUT, regardless, I still have to be at peace with THAT—this life as I know it coming to an end, whether or not there is any continuity of self or soul post-death.

I previously spent a significant number of years feeling very preoccupied with existential questions about death and life purpose (essentially of the, “if you’re just going to die anyway, what’s the point?” variety) and after having these two realizations, I was no longer preoccupied by the topic. I made my peace with having no concrete answers. You must come to terms with your life, making meaning, and reconciling your life’s path and purpose regardless of what, if anything, happens “next.” You must still live well and wisely your one wild and precious life on this earth at this time and in this place, because your time here in this way will definitely come to an end.

Returning to the question of “why suffering?” Carol Christ presents a primarily panentheistic representation of Goddess. But, if Goddess is essentially earth and is all around us, then how do we justify evil and suffering in this world? Should She not be able to protect us from harm and suffering?

Personally, I have never turned to religion to provide explanations of evil or suffering. Perhaps if I had a past tradition of conventional theology, I would then find thealogy lacking in this way. However, I came to Goddess traditions from a history of basically…nothing…and had made my peace with the existence of suffering and inhumane treatment of others as a feature of the “human condition” rather than ever conceiving of it as something under divine influence or power.April 2013 036

However, to scholars like Melissa Raphael, “[b]ecause Goddess religions ascribes little or no moral transcendence to the Goddess, it becomes difficult to use the Goddess as the religious justification for a struggle against evil, or to construct meaning in the face of it” (p. 208). Personally, I look to humanism or feminism (as philosophy and theory), as well as my own inner sense of “rightness” and morality, rather than religion to provides this justification. I have never needed religion for morality. I think that is an “old fashioned” seeming reason to need religion and something that I’ve always found puzzling when Christians bring it up—i.e. “well, without Christ, how can you be a moral person? How can you know right from wrong?” I just can. It doesn’t need to come from an external authority or power and needing to have some “higher authority” impose the rules upon you, basically has always seemed to me like having a less mature brain somehow. In a similar manner this is how I’ve also always accepted the existence of “bad stuff” in the world—it just is. No overarching power causes it, or controls it, it is just part of the ebb and flow of life, of nature, itself. I also do not find New Agey concepts of “everything happening for a reason” or “attracting the lessons your soul needs” relevant or appropriate most of the time. Sometimes there just are tornadoes or earthquakes or people get cancer. Those things feel awful and are bad to experience, but they are not punishments or under the control of any divine authority or power. Perhaps this is depressing or nihilistic, but that is the past belief from which I have come to Goddess thought, so the “failure” of Goddess feminism to offer explanations for these phenomena is almost a non-issue for me—a Goddess outlook on the world is more than I’ve ever had before, it is not a replacement for or a substitute for a previous (religious) system of belief. To me, Goddess religion has filled a void left by an agnostic, default worldview, if I was trying to use it to replace a more traditional Judeo-Christian system of belief, perhaps I would also find it lacking.

I am a sucker for things growing out of rocks. Check out this delicate little rue anemone making its life here on a big stone!Raphael also states, “…many of the things theology has associated with evil or suffering (impermanence, disease and natural disasters) are not problematic for thealogy. It would be unreasonable to attribute moral responsibility to the divine for suffering when (natural) evil is an ecological and thealogical given” (p. 208). She goes on to further explain, “It may be that if the reality of human wrong-doing and suffering does not count against the existence or worth of a reality called ‘the Goddess,’ then thealogy cannot ultimately do some of the most important work of a popular religious theory, namely, to reconcile people to existential pain and to construct meaning in the face of it” (p. 210).

As I’ve indicated, personally, I don’t feel as if I need Goddess or religion to explain these things for me, but I understand that the failure of thealogy to provide answers on these issues means that it may never attract large amounts of followers who were formerly committed to more traditional religious views of the world. What I find helpful is Carol Christ’s process philosophy outlook on thealogy that asserts divine sympathy. Goddess/God cannot prevent suffering, but suffers with those who suffer, omnipresent, while not omnipotent. It is true that thealogy doesn’t completely fill the void left by theological understandings of divinity and suffering, but I believe that may well be because traditional religious interpretations have significant issues and theological mistakes that unravel under critical thought.

In Merlin Stone’s essay about the three faces of goddess spirituality in the collection, The Politics of Women’s Spirituality (p. 66), she writes “So far, and let us hope in the future as well, feminists concerned with Goddess spirituality have seldom offered absolute or pat answers to theological questions. What has been happening is the experiencing, and at times the reporting, of these personal or group experiences: how it feels to regard the ultimate life force in our own image—as females; how it feels to openly embrace and to share our own contemplations and intuitive knowledge about the role of women on this planet; how it feels to gain a sense of direction, a motivating energy, a strength, a courage—somehow intuited as coming from  a cosmic female energy force that fuels and refuels us in our struggle against all human oppression and planetary destruction.” As I’ve written before, this makes sense to me—Goddess as life’s “fuel” and as an energy that surrounds and holds us all, but that does not “control” our behavior and does not have the ability to stop specific events from happening—events are multicausal and there are a multiplicity of forces and natural laws in the world (gravity, for example, lightning for another), that act in and upon the lives of humans without divine cause or intervention, but still as part of an overall tapestry of being (that as a whole, might be called Divinity).

Personally, I actually found Goddess most meaningfully during a time of personal suffering. While I previously connected with Goddess imagery and was interested in Goddesses and women’s spirituality from a feminist perspective that valued the symbolism in a socio-political context, I did not feel a truly personal experience of Goddess “energy” until, as I’ve also written about several times previously, I experienced pregnancy loss. That is when I felt She actually existed and when I realized that I was in relation to her as well as recognized that I wasn’t “areligious” after all, but did have a set of spiritual beliefs, perspectives, and “tools” to draw on for personal support. I was amazed to discover at this time (after an “a-religious” self-definition of the past) that I did in fact have a spiritual language and conceptualization of my own and that these were the deep resources I gathered to draw upon during a time of significant distress, fear, and challenge.

Culpepper reflects on the reframing of redemption:

“Reframing redemption necessitates renewed reflection upon the meaning of death. Rosemary Ruether is at pains to distance the notion of redemption from its eschatological interpretations. Instead, she focuses on its political implications, and rejects any formulation of the concept of salvation which views it as ‘an escape from the body and the world into eternal life’.  She offers an ecological account of immortality, which suggests the cosmic recycling of matter, not the survival of the individual in some otherworldly realm. At the heart of this rejection is a serious reappraisal of the effect that longings for immortality have had upon human self-consciousness. Our true home, this idea seems to say, lies beyond the stars. McFague is highly critical of such a view, arguing that there is no need for some postmortem existence to maintain the divine-human relationship: ‘We are with God whether we live or die, for whether our bodies are alive or return to the other form of embodiment from which they came, they are within the body of God.’  Redefining death finds a ready resonance with key aspects of thealogy. Starhawk argues that what we perceive as destruction should not be feared but acknowledged as a necessary part of the whole lifeprocess.” (Culpepper, p. 36)

According to Starhawk, paraphrased in Clack, “In thealogy, the Goddess is generally understood as the generative power of ‘all that lives and loves life…’ Therefore, when women or natural things recover their naturalness or return to the aliveness of the wild state, they are recovering their divinity in the goddess: and as the goddess is female energy, women who situate themselves inside nature, in the body of the goddess, will recover divine/natural energies and powers that will, like nature/the goddess, overcome patriarchy. For to repeat, nature/the goddess is stronger and older than patriarchy.” (Clack, p. 56)

Related past post:

The role of death in the circle of life

Rocks look at dogwoods.

Categories: feminist thealogy, Goddess, OSC, spirituality, thealogy, Thursday Thealogy | 2 Comments

Goodbye

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The photo on the left was taken a few months ago. She was 83. One of the ways I will always remember her is wearing zoo-themed necklaces 🙂

She has told stories
she has made memories
she has preserved history
she has created
she has birthed
she has mothered
she has grandmothered
she has been of service
she has traveled far
she has grieved
she has rejoiced
she has loved
and been loved in return

This woman from which I came
this mother of my own mother
she who has been daughter
who has been wife
friend
mother
grandmother
great-grandmother
she has come to the end of her road
to the last stop on her earthly journey

Part of eternity
gave her birth
and she in turn shared that gift
and now she is reclaimed
re-embraced
hugged with the winds of time
and change.

Just a couple of hours after I posted my “last words” post, my grandma did in fact, let go and died during the early part of the morning. I always hope to have dreams about people who have died, to somehow get “messages” from them and the only person that that has ever happened vividly with was my father-in-law, which is strange given our distant relationship when he was alive. I’m surprised I didn’t dream of my grandma at all this month during this terribly short and terribly long process. Last night I did dream a short tiny dream though. In it, she sent a birthday card to my mom—we knew in the dream she’d wanted to make sure my mom still got a card on her birthday (my mom turns 60 next month)—the card came with $20 in it and it was in a homemade envelope. She hadn’t wanted to ask anyone to get her an envelope, so she’d made her own. That was it. Not the enlightening “message” sort of dream I imagine, but at least I had one! More photos and additional thoughts are on my other blog.

Go in peace478397_10200265613655357_366752492_o
go in love
and go knowing that you have left behind
something beautiful
something marvelous
something that matters
The fabric of a life well-lived
the hearth of a family well-tended
the heart of a community strengthened
and a never-ending chain of women
unbroken.

You’re our Mamoo
You’re our grandmother
and we say goodbye
and thank you.

Sink deeply
and gently
into the arms and lap
of time
the great mother of us all

She holds you now.
We let go.

Tonight I went down to the woods at sunset, which seemed fitting. I finished my memorial sculptures earlier in the day and so I took pictures of them there on the rocks. Later, we went back outside to go for a walk and I saw the nearly-full moon rising, so I ran back down to experience the fairly-rare occurrence of a sunset-moonrise, something that is hard to photograph because they take place in opposite directions.

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Generations sculpture

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Sculpture using a rock I found in the woods.

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Sunset

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Moonrise

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Categories: art, blessings, death, family, poems, sculpture, womanspirit | 5 Comments

Last Words

On Sunday, we thought we’d reached my grandma’s final day on earth. I spent the day thinking about her, crying, talking to my husband, and fanatically checking my phone for texts from my mom (side note to those people who write critical blog posts about “distracted” people “glued” to their phones, you may do well to remember that some of those distracted-looking people might be looking for texts about dying grandmothers from their own distraught mothers and that this phone-based link in fact represents connection and not disconnection or distraction). I went to the woods and I sat on the rocks and sang Woman Am I. My mom told me she’d been singing it to my grandma as she listened to the erratic sounds of her breaths, thinking each was the last. My letter did make it in time to be read to my grandma while she was still conscious enough to indicate she heard it. And, on Friday I did a FaceTime call with my mom and she took it to my grandma’s bed so that I could talk to her. She didn’t open her eyes, but she murmured a greeting and she smiled when she heard my little two-year-old say, “hi, Mamoo!” So, we were able to say some final words and goodbye “in person,” which was really, really difficult, but also a gift.

After singing on the rocks, I then spoke aloud to her, those final words that didn’t really come in a letter or on Facetime:

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Unfinished new grief sculpture…

We have learned from you
we have loved with you
we have heard you
we have seen you
we have hugged you
and held you
we have mourned with you
we have mourned for you
we have been dazzled by your radiance
inspired by your adventures
and touched by your generosity.

Three generations of women
have sat in your lap as little girls
have been covered by your quilts
and zipped into your sweaters
you carried each of us on your hip
and held us each in your heart

We respect you
we cherish you
we appreciate you
we’ve learned so much from you
we’ve laughed with you
and lived with you
and traveled with you

and now
we open up our hands
we open up our hearts
and we let you go.
Be free.
Continue your travels
on the currents of time and space…

My grandma was a beautifully active, vibrant woman and her quick devolution due to advanced and very aggressive pancreatic cancer is a harsh blow to our family. I’ve always admired and respected her and been proud of her for all of her accomplishments and activities. She was not a particularly emotionally demonstrative woman, but it amazing to think about all the ways her presence is woven through my days even though she lives 2000 miles away–the sweater I put on every morning is one she knit for me, her quilts are on my kids’ bedroom walls and on all our beds, magazine subscriptions she gifts us with are in the car and bathroom…we’re connected in many ways and I don’t know what life will look like without her in it.

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My “three generations of little girls” thoughts made me create this not-finished sculpture. Little boys are part of the generations as well, but not in as direct a line as the girls—I’m the oldest daughter of an oldest daughter of an oldest daughter (and my own daughter is an “only daughter,” so while she’s my youngest child she continues a line as the first daughter of a first daughter of a first daughter of a first daughter).

My dad also brought over the last four beads for my woodspriestess necklace and so I took a new picture with them too:
April 2013 049When I came back in, I drew a Crone Stone and got, no joke, She Who Knows: The Grandmother of Time:

April 2013 052I have had some really amazing experiences with these stones and I was in awe at the cosmicness when I read, Wisdom is the inner knowing we already possess. How is it our bodies know how to menstruate, to ovulate, to cease menstruating, to breathe? I thought at first reading it said to cease breathing and I thought it was so perceptive because of my mom waiting and listening to my grandmother’s slow, labored breaths. Then, I re-read and saw it was only “to breathe” and then it felt less cosmic. Ah, well.

Categories: art, blessings, death, family, poems, prayers, womanspirit, women | 6 Comments

Woodspriestess: Dogwood

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Greening air
Dogwood lace
Restoring soul
Sacred place…

Today has been crazy for a variety of reasons. I’m stressed and sad and wrung out and my to-do list is a mile long. Our beef got picked up from the processor and I spent a long time this morning emptying out freezer space and brokering transactions, while little children clamored for my time, my body, my attention. Feels ridiculous almost to even be doing something like this while my grandma is still in the dying process and my mom’s world has narrowed in to this emotionally exhausting, complete focus. And, I’m leaving this weekend for our annual craft workshop in southern Missouri and there is no internet access in the building in which we stay, which is some ways will be a nice break and it others is an additional stressor (hard to teach online without online access, after all!).  My mom is usually the executive director of this craft workshop, my husband is the assistant director and I teach. Since my mom is in CA, we’re going to have to serve in the director role this year, in the midst of this grief and stress, and that is tough. I’ve got a lot on my plate.

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To reach the light filtering through the canopy of trees, most of the dogwood flowers are pretty high in the air!

So, when I went down to the woods today, I was only going to stay for a moment—too many people need me to stay for long. I have students with papers due, midterms questions and blah, blah, blah, but I noticed that the dogwoods are finally really blooming. They seem slightly “off” this year, at least in my little space in the woods and the flowers are opening at the same time as the leaves are opening and so they are harder to see and less dramatically white and lacy then the sometimes are. One of the only poems I ever wrote as a kid contained the line, dogwoods strung through the woods like lace. These trees have been a part of my life’s spring landscape for a long time. Instead of staying for only a moment though, the dogwoods lured me down deeper into the woods and I went on a spontaneous little woodswalk, taking pictures of them and slipping around on the rain slick leaves. Something I meant to write about a couple of weeks ago was that I finally discovered the source of the “running water” sound I can hear from the rocks somewhere down below me in the trees. It isn’t coming from the semi-nearby river after all, it is bubbling, chiming, water running underneath the ground, through the rocky cleft down the hills and into the woods. While it sounds like a delightfully, babbling spring, I don’t think it really is one, I think it is really the excess water runoff from the road, making its way down the “gulch,” filtering through the layers of bedrock, and eventually reaching pond, river, or water table. After the rain this morning, I could hear it really clearly.

This walk felt like a much better use of my time and energy than getting “caught up” with packing and grading. I breathe easier now.

Heavy and wild
Perfect and free
Life lessons
in the trees…

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Categories: nature, woodspriestess | 3 Comments

Happy Mother Earth Day!

“International Mother Earth Day is a chance to reaffirm our collective responsibility to promote harmony with nature at a time when our planet is under threat from climate change, unsustainable exploitation of natural resources and other man-made problems. When we threaten the planet, we undermine our only home – and our future survival. On this International Day, let us renew our pledges to honour and respect Mother Earth.”

Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon
Message for the International Mother Earth Day 2013

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International Mother Earth Day promotes a view of the Earth as the entity that sustains all living things found in nature. It honors the Earth as a whole and our place within it. It does not seek to replace other events, such as Earth Day, which has been celebrated by many people around the world…but rather to reinforce and reinterpret them based on the evolving challenges we face.

United Nations

Categories: art, blessings, nature, priestess, womanspirit | Leave a comment

Sunday Sabbath: Gather Life

Gather sunlight April 2013 019
gather wind
gather rain
gather earth

Scoop it up
press it into my body
soak it into my skin
embed it in my cells
play with it
wrestle with it
dance with it

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it speaks in roars
it speaks through me
and around me

Deep, dark
bright, beautiful world

Bathe my senses
in your presence
hold my body in your embrace
touch my spirit
that I might remember how to sing
and remain able to breathe
with clarity
and certainty
of enoughness

Gather hope
and gather pain
gather tears
and gather laughter

Gather it up
gather it in
hold it close
take a deep whiff
stare into its eyes
this is life.

(4/20/13)

I spoke this poem yesterday afternoon after my bad mood day. When I came back inside, I enjoyed a great post from The Allergic Pagan about Panentheism. I think whatever else I might call my spiritual leanings, I would probably be classed by others as a panentheist. Based on this woodspriestess experience of mine I’m actually thinking of changing my dissertation topic to a combination of ecopsychology-theapoetics-thealogy of the body, rather than solely about thealogy and the body.

Through a panentheistic understanding of divinity, Neopaganism seeks to unite Zoe and bios again, to reconnect the divine and nature, the eternal cycle of Life with all of our particular lives and deaths. This union is not a static identification, as in pantheism, but a dynamic dance between the two, Zoe and bios, Goddess and god…

via Panentheism: The Dancer and the Dance | The Allergic Pagan.

“In all things of nature, there is something of the marvelous.” –Aristotle

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Categories: nature, poems, prayers, sabbath, theapoetics, woodspriestess | Leave a comment

Woodspriestess: Bad Mood

Angry 20130420-164315.jpg
crabby
spiky
irritable
pain-drenched

and yet still
I touch the ground of being
patient
loving
peaceful
life-soaked

touches me back

sun on my eyelids
wind in my hair
stone at my back

Earth holds me
Earth settles me
Earth hears me

bearing witness
to one another
in change
and possibility
in raggedness and decay
and in transformation
and purpose…

I have been in a horrible mood all day. I woke up with a headache for the third day in a row and it makes me foggy and unfocused and like I can’t choose the right words. Part of my brain is always 2000 miles away from home with my mom and grandma—I literally feel as if part of my spirit is gone there and it makes it hard to feel centered enough to write and to complete other tasks. Today, I tried to get ready for our annual craft workshop that begins next week and was frustrated and distressed by trying to round-up the supplies for classes I don’t really feel like teaching and for which I only have a tiny collection of students signed up. I felt like I should make another doll for my spirit doll workshop, but I just didn’t want to. I made it anyway and felt resentful, irritable, and in pain the entire time. And, like a genius, I also decided that I was sick of my too-long bangs (my mom usually cuts them) and so I hacked them off in the bathroom mirror using curved nailscissors—always a great strategy for an angry person with migraine-blurred vision.

The doll is a simple one that I envisioned as a sort of 3D scrapbook. I used an unfinished quilt square as her body and an assortment of pins from various “lives” and identities that have just been languishing in a box.

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The quilt has some really lovely embroidery!

I also found an abandoned past project that holds some promise!

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Categories: art, family, nature, woodspriestess | 2 Comments

Woodspriestess: Real Magic

It might look like a straight row of saplings   April 2013 014
But it is really a new way of being

Patient life
Doing what it can
Living still while
Uprooted
Crushed

Reaching out
Tenderly
Stubbornly
In experimental majesty

Seen or unseen
This is real magic…

In the woods there is a maple tree that was uprooted in a storm several years ago. Rather than dying, it lives on, lying on its side on the forest floor. I’m fascinated by how it has sent out new branches, straight, strong, tall, and healthy, standing up from the trunk. If you don’t look carefully, it looks like just another row of little trees growing out there in the woods, but really they are branches standing up from their “base” of a trunk. It is leafed out all over now, small tender green leaves, looking quite happy out there lying down for a rest.

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The roots are still able to reach down and connect with the Earth for what it needs. The original upper branches keep the trunk propped off the ground, which keeps it from decaying (I guess).

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Little tree? No wait, little branch!

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Less magical…ticks are already out to play!

It was a rainy, stormy, overcast day and I took a couple of pictures of two of my favorite trees as the rain came down on us. I’m so pleased to see them leafing out high above me.

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The maple that grows in the rocks.

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The biggest oak in this section of land.

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See the little leaves?!

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Each day April 2013 006
offers new gifts
new mysteries
new discoveries
new promise

kissed with rain
and garnished
with dogwood blossoms…

 

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Categories: nature, poems, spirituality, woodspriestess | 4 Comments

Thursday Thealogy: Theapoetics

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Sculpture made by my six-year-old and named, “The Cutest Goddess in the World.”

Turkeys gobble
birds sing
plum petals fall
raindrops kiss stone

take a moment and sit
hear, taste,
smell, and touch
the very field of creation.

(4/16/13)

I’m having such a hard time lately focusing enough to write coherent posts. I flit from site to site, idea to idea, and just can’t settle my mind enough to say what I want to say. I feel distracted, preoccupied, and unfocused. Maybe I need to go to the woods more often. As it is, I sit here with my little stack of books: Midwifing Death, What Dying People Want, and Sacred Dying. They came too late for me to really use them in any sort of helpful way for my mom or grandma, but at least I’ll have them in case I know anyone else who needs them. I am a tiny librarian in my own way and it is books that I turn to when I need help or want to help. They’re what I offer. Books are my first and longest-lasting love. I also sit by a pile of books waiting to be turned over as I plan my spring women’s retreat and write two assignments for my OSC class on Ritual and Liturgy. My heart doesn’t quite feel in that though either—too many variables, too much unknown…

There is so much we don’t know 20130416-140924.jpg
so many possibilities we can’t imagine
maybe that is what I touch
in the dreamtime
and the woodstime
maybe I am surrounded
in all times
and all ways
by those who have gone before me

here, in the woods
I touch
and am touched
by something
something that kisses my eyelids
with a breeze
that blesses my brow
with a raindrop
that cradles my body
with stone
that fills my senses April 2013 029
with pleasure and awareness
and that connects me
to the great, grand whole of creation

and I know that I am a part of Her
and She is a part of me
forever.

Though my individual thread might end
my part of the tapestry is eternal
and I dance right now
with the lifeblood
of purpose and connection.

(4/16/13)

A few days ago, I sat in the woods and thought about death and life and ancestors and children. While I sat and spoke into my little recorder, the plum petals fell steadily all around me like snow. It was beautiful and soothing.

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In my piles of books are also those which I want to put back on the shelf, but that are waiting because they had sections I marked to share. One of them—a really excellent anthology of essays by priestesses (or “sibyls”) called Voices of the Goddess—contained a section that made me think of my own theapoetical experiences. Though, I then feel self-conscious, embarrassed, or somehow “arrogant” or something for identifying with it—like, who do I think I am?!

The Goddess grants her gifts of creativity in many ways, but the personal invocation, the inspired lyrical utterance is always nearest to the surface. This poetic wellspring is part of the sibylline legacy and there is no denying it. It speaks the language of the blood and belly as well as the language of the crystalline stars. It is a weaving song that meshes heaven and earth with the underworld. Poetry is the mouthpiece of the metamemory, the deep, ecstatic memory of an oral tradition that remembered the Goddess daily in domestic and tribal rituals. Since there are not Goddess rituals or liturgies from former times, we have written our own, often drawing directly upon the raw material of personal experience…Poetry can both bless and uproot, it can extol or refute. It is the true voice of the Goddess speaking through her sibyls. Personal or prophetic, poetry is communication with a deeper level of understanding. It is a gateway for the Goddess to pass through.

–Caitlin Matthews in Voices of the Goddess

While I wouldn’t venture to call myself “prophetic,” I do experience something personally very important to me there in the woods, something I’ve previously referred to as, “Entering into radical relationship with the Goddess through art, poetry, and nature…” or, theapoetics. When I wrote about this topic for Feminism and Religion, I included this poem:

Goddess Direct

Goddess, where are you?
I am within you and around youApril 2013 037
in your heart that seeks answers
and connection

Goddess, do you exist?
Yes, I am as real as your own heartbeat.
I am here in the bird’s song
I am here in the breeze that touches your face
I am as solid as the stone you sit on

I am that which weaves the Whole.
I am that which holds the All.
I am that which flows,
dancing lightly
through the heartbeat of every form on this earth

I am within you and around you
beneath you and above you
I am your home

I am that which you seek
I am that which you know
And, I love deeply, richly, and well.

via Theapoetics By Molly | Feminism and Religion.

I still don’t think of myself as writing poetry and certainly not as a “poet.” These words are something that just comes out. Something that emerges. Something that is created in a very different manner than the rest of my writing. It actually feels like an altered state of consciousness that “writes itself” and when I go back to listen to what I said, I’m often surprised or feel like I’m listening to someone else speak. That’s theapoetics. Go sit in the woods and see what happens when you open your mouth! 🙂

Categories: Goddess, nature, poems, prayers, priestess, spirituality, theapoetics, Thursday Thealogy, womanspirit, woodspriestess, writing | 2 Comments

Woodspriestess Beads

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I see leaves beginning to emerge! I also see which trees are not getting leaves… 😦

My body holds a dozen prayers
who can grant them?
Me
by listening and responding
and watching
and resting.

Hope song
of the forest.

(4/7/2013)

This morning my dad showed up at my door unexpectedly and said he had an early birthday present for me. He said that because of what our family is going through with my grandma that he thought I might need it before my birthday. It was a string of what he called “woodspriestess beads” that he carved for me. There is one bead for each of the 17 species of trees that grow naturally in this part of Missouri as well as a series of beads made from trees that hold some kind of meaning or family connection for me. There is a bead from part of the wood in the house where I was born and one from the house I grew up in (log cabin built in the 1800’s). One from the tree we used to swing in when we were girls as well as one from an apple tree we planted together and a peach tree that grew from a discarded pit in the compost pile. One from a memorial tree we planted for my great-grandmother, and one from a maple tree my grandpa mailed to us from California and that is incredibly huge now (and my dad taps it for syrup in the spring). There’s one from my own homesite, one from the tree under which my third baby is buried, and one from the cedar tree that was the “topper” for the frame of our house. There is ash, Carolina buckthorn, cedar, cherry, dogwood, elm, hackberry, hickory, honey locust, mulberry, red oak, white oak, osage orange, persimmon, pine, plum, poplar, redbud, sassafras, and walnut. They’re a beautiful palette of meaning and a gift of love. A portable altar of the forest.

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April 2013 042I was also touched by the acknowledgement and attention paid to my little woodspriestess experiment. Something that both my grandma and my parents have always been good at is paying attention to what I care about and am interested in and acting to demonstrate that they support it. For example, my grandma who never breastfed a baby and who actually originally seemed to think it was kind of an oddly primitive thing to do, snips out clippings of articles about breastfeeding and sends them to me and made sure to volunteer at the zoo table at a World Breastfeeding Week event just last year (the very same weekend I was working at one here, 2000 miles away). My mom subscribes to my blogs and crochets me Goddess of Willendorfs and fires my pottery goddesses and comes to my Rise Up classes. My dad sets up teepees for sagewomen ceremonies and doesn’t complain about late-night drumming and shows up for my solstice ritual every year and makes me woodspriestess beads. (And, when I was little he used to correctly ID what Care Bear was hiding under a hankie using only touch.) What a good life!

August 2012 005

Isn’t she lovely?! 🙂

Yesterday when I was driving to class, I was so impressed by the loveliness of the landscape that I stopped in the road to take a picture. How lucky I am to live in this part of the country and how lucky I am that this is what I get to see on my way to work!

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And, today my little baby’s memorial tree finally opened in full blossom!

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April 2013 030

Not picked, just holding still to be “pic’ed”!

4/22/2013—adding a couple of new picture of the beads with the final four species added.

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Categories: family, nature, woodspriestess | 11 Comments

Woodspriestess: Grandmother Prayer

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Today we texted her this picture, because that is instant–no waiting for mail.

Prayer for my grandmother
sweet wind carry it
hope guard it
love keep it
peace bless it

carry my gratitude
straight to her heart
fold it into her hands
nestle it in her body
where it will take root
and blossom

may she know she is loved
she is appreciated
she is held

in the great grand web of incarnation
the unfurling of genetic memory
in shared silence and story
in unfolding legacy

Peace hold her
love enfold her
life release her…

(4/15/13)

When I found out last month that my grandmother was sick, I immediately knew I needed to write her a letter. It was hard to figure out what to say and how to start and so I waited. Finally, Sunday night after getting a not-promising text update from my mom, I got a card and wrote in it instead—I think my problem had been in part related to trying to type it out. Handwriting worked. There were no pearls of wisdom or geniusApril 2013 076, but there were words from the heart and in my own sloppy-writing hand (it has always bugged her that I don’t have better handwriting!). I got the kids all to sign it in the morning and trudged it out to the mailbox and started fretting that it won’t make it to her in time. I went to the woods and spoke aloud. As I spoke, I became aware that I was wearing a sweater she knit for me and felt that in this way we were each wrapped in a prayer of love and thanksgiving.

The mayapples are unfolding their little umbrellas in the forest and today I spied some still-green-edged dogwood blossoms getting ready to put on a show.
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Categories: blessings, death, family, nature, prayers, theapoetics | 2 Comments

Woodspriestess: Change

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Little sculpture made by my six-year-old (“Cutest Goddess in the World,” he titled it) and a rue anemone)

Change
bright, clear,
clean, hot
messy, wild,
wonderful, scary
change

the wheel of life
keeps turning
the thread of our heartbeats
keeps weaving
the tapestry of creation
keeps unfurling
the heart of the planet
keeps praying
strength
grace
indwelling joy

hope on our lips
a song in our hearts
a prayer in our hands

the hum of blood in our veins
the only rapture we need…

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Another goddess hiding in the rocks!

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Memorial tree getting closer and closer to a full flower!

 

Categories: blessings, nature, poems, prayers, theapoetics, woodspriestess | 4 Comments

Sunday Sabbath: Sacred Words

woodspriestess

In November of 2010, I attended at women’s spirituality retreat in St. Louis and we did an exercise in which we each wrote a “gift” on a piece of paper (following a guided meditation) and then put them into a communal bowl and each drew out another’s woman’s gift—like she had passed it to us. I drew out “sacred words.” My friend told me she thought it was perfect for me because talking to me about her own experience of spirituality had been deeply meaningful to her. When I got home, I started looking for study programs/schools online because I knew in my heart that the time had come to deepen my personal study and experiences. I ended up applying to Ocean Seminary College and being accepted into the doctoral program in Thealogy/Goddess studies. This weekend, I finished my eleventh OSC class. I’m almost finished with two more and currently enrolled in another two. After those classes, another 11 classes remain, plus a priestess practicum and my dissertation. I really feel grateful for my experiences and classes at OSC. They have helped me clarify my own vision, purpose, and direction as well as helped me develop skills, rituals, broader understandings, and personal practices. I’ve also branched out as a writer as a direct result of my coursework there. While anchored for several years in being a birth and motherhood writer, my woodspriestess project has its roots in my Ecology and the Sacred class at OSC. Writing this blog, as well as writing for Feminism and Religion and Pagan Families, is a direct result of my work with OSC and the opportunity it has offered me to deepen my own practices and understandings. The decision to apply and then to begin classes represents one of those pivotal life moments for me. It is also entwined with my priestess path, since it was from Global Goddess members that I learned about OSC in the first place and then in doing my work at OSC I gained the confidence to see that I was already functioning in a priestess role in my community and wanted to step more fully into that place, which led me to apply for ordination as a priestess with Global Goddess…it is like a lovely big circle 🙂

I had fun times at Tagxedo making the word cloud above out of my blog and also word clouds for my mom and grandma. And, I learned that this year is the 70th anniversary of the classic Myers-Briggs Type Inventory. I have my online students take this test every session and we compare our results and the overall class dynamic. In celebration of the MBTI birthday, they have cool little wordcloud heads available with your type. Here’s mine!20130412-105737.jpg

And, I saw this quote on Facebook and liked it!
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And, speaking of words and wordweaving, I enjoyed this article about poetry in the schools:

Poetry builds resilience in kids and adults; it fosters Social and Emotional Learning. A well-crafted phrase or two in a poem can help us see an experience in an entirely new way. We can gain insight that had evaded us many times, that gives us new understanding and strength. William Butler Yeats said this about poetry: “It is blood, imagination, intellect running together…It bids us to touch and taste and hear and see the world, and shrink from all that is of the brain only.” Our schools are places of too much “brain only;” we must find ways to surface other ways of being, other modes of learning. And we must find ways to talk about the difficult and unexplainable things in life — death and suffering and even profound joy and transformation.

via Five Reasons Why We Need Poetry in Schools | Edutopia.

I still don’t think of myself as writing poetry and yet there it somehow is on almost every page of my blog… 😉

The trees are coming back to life!

The trees are coming back to life!

Beauty surrounds me
I am immersed in beauty
Tasting it
Hearing it
Feeling it fully
Through me
Around me
Within me…

(4/12/13)

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Categories: introversion, nature, OSC, priestess, sabbath, spirituality | 1 Comment

Triple Goddess

Triple Goddess February 2013 062

Is she enough?

Seed moves to bud

Bud moves to blossom

Blossom moves to flower

Flower moves to fruit

Fruit moves to seed…

An ongoing generative process of birth and re-birth, of legacy, and of love, the lives of women are multigenerational, complex, and multilayered, and yet within them perhaps the Triple Goddess archetype stands. Steady. Maiden, Mother, Crone. Maiden, Mother, Crone. Perhaps each layer there is subdivided into deeper experience, but the overall broad, blood mysteries are encompassed cleanly…

My hope rests

in the potential of women

To be all they can be

To listen to daughters

To hug friends

To care for mothers

To hold space for each other

Within the Triple Goddess is a trinity. A trinity of female power, of female experience, and of female story–honoring, and holding, and blessing April 2013 004the mysteries of women with the mysteries of the Goddess, providing a framework for our bodies’ language, our womb-deep stories and memories. Perhaps another Trinity that makes sense is the Mother, Father, and Daughter Trinity. The Daughter carrying the potential of new generations within her, the Father providing the spark to ignite the unfolding of life within, the Mother fashioning the Daughter from the very stuff of her own blood.

Is it enough?

It doesn’t have to be

Because the potential of women

Is written in the earth and stars

And it is boundless

As I walked in the woods with my daughter and thought about this concept and about my mother and my grandmother too, suddenly a fourfold Goddess also floated to mind. There must be something between—Donna Henes has already figured out and other writers have explored—the Mother stage and the Crone. But then, I reflected that my own mother—I guarantee—still strongly identifies with the Mother archetype. Once you’ve gone Mother, you can never go back. I am absolutely certain that she still identifies deeply with the Mother. And, then I thought about my grandma and I thought, heck, she probably identifies deeply with the Mother as well. My little daughter, my little Maiden, she identifies with the Mother also. While it may seem gender-essentialist, gender binary, and biologically reductionist of me, it thrills my little heart to see this in her–a heart that is deeply invested with being a mother and considers being a mother central to my being. Pregnancy, birth, lactation, are core life processes and working with women in these areas is deeply part of me, so when my little two-year-old points at her own belly and says, “baby…belly…me…grow…up,” telling me that she will grow up to have a baby of her own and then points to herself and says “Mama…ME! Babies…grow UP! Mama…ME!” I realize that she already carries that Mother image within her and sees that potential within herself now. Looking at her and looking at my mother, I see how I still identify as the Daughter. I am still the Maiden too. And, I see my mother and her mother and know that my mom still feels Daughter in this face of impending loss. And, she is both Grandmother and Daughter and Mother all at the same time. So, then I conclude that the Triple Goddess does work, because we each hold them. We contain them. So while they might not be enough for the human woman or even for biology, we may certainly contain and embody them all, sometimes all at once. And, that’s okay. There’s power in the triple image. There’s purpose in the triple image. And, there’s a genetic circularity of being in that triple image that I see reflected in my own days, my own relationships, my own roles. I am the Triple Goddess. She is the Triple Goddess. They are the Triple Goddess. We are the Triple Goddess.

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Together at my brother’s wedding this past October.

When I recorded these thoughts as part of my final assignment for my Triple Goddess class at OSC, I was in the woods with my little girl and in the background of the recording she is saying, “Mama” and making other remarks and it seems perfectly fitting.

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She brought her little (nonworking) cell phone to the woods too and stood talking into and repeating part of everything I said: “Triddle…Doddess.”

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Categories: family, OSC, parenting, spirituality, thealogy, womanspirit, women | 4 Comments

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